Medical Humor
|
Terminology Translation |
||
|
Benign |
What you be after you be eight |
|
|
Artery |
The study of paintings |
|
|
Bacteria |
Back door to cafeteria |
|
|
Barium |
What doctors do when patients die |
|
|
Cesarean Section |
A neighborhood in Rome |
|
|
CATscan |
Searching for kitty |
|
|
Cauterize |
Made eye contact with her |
|
|
Colic |
A sheep dog |
|
|
Coma |
A punctuation mark |
|
|
D & C |
Where Washington is |
|
|
Dilate |
To live long |
|
|
Enema |
Not a friend |
|
|
Fester |
Quicker than someone else |
|
|
Fibula |
A small lie |
|
|
Genital |
Non-Jewish person |
|
|
G.I. Series |
World Series of military baseball |
|
|
Hangnail |
What you hang your coat on |
|
|
Impotent |
Distinguished, well known |
|
|
Labor Pain |
Getting hurt at work |
|
|
Medical Staff |
A Doctor's cane |
|
|
Morbid |
A higher offer than I bid |
|
|
Nitrates |
Cheaper than day rates |
|
|
Node |
I knew it |
|
|
Outpatient |
A person who has fainted |
|
|
Pap Smear |
A lie about someone's Pappy |
|
|
Pelvis |
Second cousin to Elvis |
|
|
Post Operative |
A letter carrier |
|
|
Recovery Room |
Place to do upholstery |
|
|
Rectum |
Damn near killed him |
|
|
Secretion |
Hiding something |
|
|
Seizure |
Roman emperor |
|
|
Tablet |
A small table |
|
|
Terminal Illness |
Getting sick at the airport |
|
|
Tumor |
More than one |
|
|
Urine |
Opposite of you're out |
|
|
Varicose |
Near by/close by |
|
|
PRN |
Urinating nurse |
|
Q: How many nurses does it take to change a light bulb
in an HMO?
A: Only One, but it needs a pre-authorization before it can be done.
Q: What is the difference between HMO's and terrorists?
A: You can bargain with terrorists.
There were 3 medical specialists standing at the gates of heaven. St Peter said to the first "And what have you done to enter heaven?" "I'm a breast surgeon." "Enter, you've done a wonderful job." To the second Doctor he said "And what about you?" "I'm an oncologist." "Enter, you really hung in there on Earth." To the third Doctor he said "Yes, and you?" "I was a director of an HMO." "Enter, but you'll have to leave after 3 days."
Doctor: "You only have 6 months to live."
Patient: "I can't pay the bill."
Doctor: "Alright, I'll give you another six months."
Surgeon: "Scalpel please. I'm ready to cut."
Nurse: "Uh, Dr. Yenn, the patient's still awake. The anesthesiologist called in sick today."
Surgeon: "Oh gosh. Well, then ... I'll tell a very boring story to put the patient to sleep."
home page: www.dyenn.com